Suffice it to say, 2014 hasn't actually begun the way I counted on. It's a little early to say, just a few weeks in I suppose, but I'm just betting that the whole year might wind up a bit different than the one I'd designed in my head a month or two back.
As of this week, there are exactly 29 weeks until the week of my birthday. That's a week for every year that I have lived so far, a week to count down to the big 3-0, which has always seemed the milestone of milestones for me. Maybe therein lies my high hopes for 2014. Sometime long ago, I got it in my head that the thirties would be great because I would have it together. I think that's true in a certain sense! I wouldn't say I exist in orderly fashion now, necessarily; but what I have got is a whole lot more "WHO CARES" up my sleeve. Which is my way to say that I'm comfortable with myself and things now, what I likely meant, whether I knew it or not, when I enacted the grand plan to "have it together" by 30.
The thing is, we know ourselves way better now than we give ourselves credit for. Your instincts and your hearts' desires are not trying to trick you. Those things are part of you, and so, what I think, is that they are worth checking into. Trust yourself.
This is an important thing. It's not a pass to be ridiculous. It's not an excuse neglect others. It's not meant for you to distrust the wisdom of those more important--God, for example. And parents also. It's rather an assurance that the advice or opinions of others are not the end-all-be-all to hearing God's word in your life. He speaks into us. He pours into us. The beautiful things that make us inherently us are parts of him, as we are. Though we are all made human, which means we have imperfect desire in us, I think so often we fail to consider that our desires can also be good. They can be a guide. Desire can serve as a gauge and compass for what we’re meant to do. We should rid ourselves of the need to please others and recognize that some of the desires and dreams inside of us are God-given and worth being pursued.
This week, I forced myself to remember this. Sure things are not off to the start I thought I was making when I flipped my calendar page. (OKAY. I don't flip calendar pages any more, my phone does. But I like these old-fashioned nuances. So.) But that doesn't change what is at the heart of me. It doesn't change anything about me, actually, if I don't let it. Today I can make the choice to flow around the rock in my path and continue toward the destination I believe was set before me.
We don't really think about how we got to where we are once we've arrived. If I wasn't being careful and if you'd asked me how I've grown or changed in the last decade, I would tell you I haven't. But that's not true. I have come so far. And if I look back and I honor those lessons I've learned, it makes me hopeful for what else might be coming. We are always growing, always learning, always changing, always more on our way to being more ourselves.