I had this thought the other day that I would try something new, and that, like a child, I might take some crazy steps to try that new thing and to make the dream a reality.
In a dark moment, a little voice in my heart whispered, "You can't do that now;" and so it was my brain was off making the list of reasons why a mother of young children on the brink of turning 30 is in no position to be setting out on new adventures. "That is for a time past, and maybe, if you're lucky and determined, a time that is yet to come."
I looked into the eyes of my babies, seeking in them the joy I needed to compensate for the putting off of something for myself. I don't pretend that mothers are inherently selfless; I think selflessness is developed out of the many times we mourn the disappearance of something for ourselves in the name of motherhood. The sacrifice is always, without question, worth it; but that doesn't make it less a sacrifice.
And while there is always joy to be found in those angelic faces, what I saw that day was a mirror instead. That day I saw myself maybe as they see me, or at least how I hope they grow to know me. I realized that my admonition to them will always be: Try. Do. See. Learn. Grow. Never stop, because it is never too late. Sometimes it is hard. Sometimes you will fail. Sometimes you will be tired and stretched thin. But let not these things stop you from seeking.
So I dusted off my bravery. I kicked that nasty inner-voice to the curb. And I said, "Self, today you start working on your new dream. And maybe you will feel silly. And maybe it will not work. But still: Try. Do. See. Learn. Grow. Never stop,because it is never too late."
P.S. Iris took this photo of me, and so it seemed fitting, like a glimpse into what she sees.