It's not that I haven't written in so long; I just haven't written anything that I felt like putting on the Internet. I know the truth is that if you write the words you don't run out of them. Except now the Internet is this labyrinth of "fame" and "professionals", and I feel like I don't want to give so much too it anymore. I am fine with this, but on some level, I guess I want other people to be fine with it too.
The last two weeks were supposed to be the foray into Whatever Life Shall Look Like now that I have two school-aged children. In the first week, I ended up traveling back to the midwest for a funeral, and in the second, I had kids home sick. This week is mostly normal, save for the fact that today is already halfway through even though I feel like I just woke up on a Monday. I suppose I'm craving simple normalcy--that is, after all, what we moved to Evergreen for. Still, despite its lacking, I have sufficiently filled the mostly-normal days with stuff, and so I'm on my way into Whatever Life Shall Look Like, even if I'm not there yet.
Aside from writing things that I haven't put on the Internet, I've accepted a new columnist position with a magazine right here in town. I'm stumbling through what it will look like, but I'm excited to again put my voice into something I (and other people) can hold. I'll also be covering a music beat and a few other features, and the idea that my real printed words are going to be floating out into the mountains has me giddy. It's awakened old parts of me.
Acupuncture also woke me up. I mean that wholly literally. My sleep patterns are better, and I open my eyes in the morning like a person exiting sleep, prepared to start the day. I am ravenously hungry for the foods I have recently discovered are most nourishing to me. When I look forward into the day or out into the woods behind our house, both views are clear and enjoyable. I am grateful for the pockets of time in Whatever Life Shall Look Like that I get to reserve for myself and my health. I'd admonish everyone to do it for themselves now; but I understand, having just emerged from Life With Small Children that it's not always doable, and also that is alright.
There are bigger things that I am planning to tackle, but I'm also rather enjoying these sensations of settling in. In the mornings, Trevor and I sit on our deck and we have Quiet Coffee, which is a time for grown-ups. It is important and a really good way to start the day. We talk about the day's plans and the week's plans, and also we talk about the life's plans, which is energizing. Sometimes we talk about Wander Unlimited, and in Whatever Life Shall Look Like, I am taking on more work there as well. It's fun to do it together, and to let the lines between all the times' plans and our work blur and cross over.
Really, Whatever Life Shall Look Like is not a static destination. Sometimes that has been frustrating, and it's really tempting to fall into a pattern of constantly living for the parts that come next. I guess what I'm realizing now is that, for every step you take toward that spot, it moves a little beyond, or sometimes to the right or the left. Sometimes it winds around a corner and you almost think you've lost it. For all the times I've said I'm trying to enjoy the journey or some other fluffy sentiment about Life, right now, I feel it. I feel open to possibilities and old and new parts of myself and whatever else shall come in Whatever Life Shall Look Like.
What makes it all different from All The Things That Happened is epiphany, really. In the Whatever Life Shall Look Like, it's like I understand, finally, the why behind All The Things That Happened. I know what it was all for now. That's probably where the energy is coming from. These tools I've been forging in the All The Things that Happened are finally complete and ready for the Whatever Life Shall Look Like. It's time to get to work.