I often wonder how I appear to other people.
Like, aside from looking in the mirror or seeing a picture of myself, what do I look like when I'm doing things, living life, being me? It's not as much a self-consciousness (though that's certainly there) as it is a curiosity. I wish I could have an out-of-body experience and just watch. Am I happy? Do I appear natural?
Mostly, though, I wish that I didn't think about things like this. I have this vision of a me, somewhere down the road, who doesn't waste brain space on such weird thoughts, who is just free to live and move and have her being without thought or concern for how it appears or doing things the right way. She lives effortlessly and in a way that makes others feel at ease too.
I wonder how long I have to work at this and live consciously before it becomes so second nature that I can do it without thinking. Ever?
P.S. Photo by Eunice Brownlee.