As big as 2014 was, I can say with all honesty that I will end it with little reflection. The events of this year have been so big, maybe they speak for themselves. Then again, in many ways, it's been months of transition and adjustment. And while I'm so looking forward to the fresh start that first page of a new calendar brings, I'm also fine with today too. Maybe that's the single reflection: I'm good with today. Yesterday was unbelievable, tomorrow is exciting. Today is good.
With that in mind, and with simply calling this year at face value, I recognize this shift in myself too. I'm not so concerned with the girl I used to be; and while I have dreams for the future, the present will do. I feel like an adult living her adult life. It doesn't eliminate the need or desire for self-study, but changes the means by which I conduct such a review. My thoughts and observations are free to float in and out, and the real ones get stuck in my heart. Those are the mighty and familiar ones, like parts of me rather than notions I better get down to organize and nurture.
2015 presents itself less like THE YEAR OF SOMETHING and instead, just a year. It is another stretch of time as this person I am in this life I am living. I have things I hope to accomplish, places I wish to see, and, yes, of course, resolutions I hope to make a part of my daily life. Such is human nature. But the pressure is off. Whether or not those things get done or those destinations are visited or if I drink enough water each day, I am feeling comfortable in my skin and called to such a time as this.
As it turns out, contentedness feels a lot less complacent than I had once feared it might. A few weeks ago, I sorted through old photos to put into an album (I've been cataloging prints from each year since we were married--a collection that will be special to me, but I think will be even more special to the girls). I studied a photo of me and Iris for a good long while. It was a candid shot: Me, very pregnant with Edith, and Iris donning her once trademark pigtails and sparkly gold Oxfords. Now that seems so long ago it's like it was barely real. And though I know I was struggling with career choices or financial concerns or troubles in a personal relationship at the time, all that was captured in that shady light was perfect happiness. It occurred to me that, if we let it, life simply is like the photographs. We store up snapshots of these simple, serene moments, that maybe when we're in them mean almost nothing, but down the road they mean everything.
So now I know, whether 2015 is like this last year, full of incredible and big life changes, or if it's simply a whisper, it will be important. It will be full. It will make a mark with its own album of silly prints and called as joyful as all the others. This is the grace I hope to extend to the year, the grace I hope to extend to others, the grace I hope to give myself.
If 2015 must be THE YEAR OF SOMETHING, let it be the year of grace. Let it be the year we learned to be gracious and the year we learned to be graceful. Grace is what turns nothing to SOMETHING.